so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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