i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
