somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.