i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
