How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
