Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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