I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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