we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
