Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
