That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
