Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
