So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
