Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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