After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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