i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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