Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
