just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
