If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
