Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
