Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
