I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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