is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
