just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Less talking, more tequila
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
