Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
