Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
