i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
