dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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