I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
