How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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