Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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