My nipple is on Facebook.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
