I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
