i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
