if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
