Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need a beard to bite.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
