this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
