Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
