never play flip cup with pint glasses
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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