I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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