im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
