FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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