life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
