This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
