Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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