If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
