I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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