I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
