god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Man, jail baloney is awful.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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