I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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