Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
this hospital has no fireball
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
