talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
