when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
