he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I see more hoeing in ur future
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
