He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
