is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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