every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
