She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
