I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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