This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
