She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
