Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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