It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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