Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
