You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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