i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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