if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
