Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
