We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
