Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
try to milk me bitch
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