did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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