he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize