i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
