can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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