kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
