Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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