There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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