I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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