I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
