I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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