he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
