Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
